Questions to Help You Get Unstuck | Part 2

We’re going to dive right into the heart of things in this second part of the series. We’re going deep. But again, isn’t that why we ask questions in the first place? To get to the bottom of things?

#5 “Am I coming from a place of love or from a place of fear?”

When you find yourself at a crossroads, or mulling over a difficult decision, prolonging its execution and dreading it, I think this is a good one to ask.

The decision to bring up a difficult conversation with your partner — or not. To switch careers — or not. To take on a new project — or not. To move to a different place — or not. When you decide to do A as opposed to B, are you coming from a place of love or from a place of fear?

How about if you decide to do B instead of A? How about if you decide to do nothing at all? It’s a difficult one, I know.

It’s difficult because there’s resistance. Resistance is there because we’ve come up against a threshold or a barrier. One that needs to be breached for us to move forward, to get unstuck.

Getting an answer from this question requires you to get quiet and really notice what’s going on in your head and in your heart. When you think about deciding to do A instead of B, notice if you’re seeing things with a filter of fear, which is usually accompanied by anxiety, a cloudiness in your head and a heaviness in your heart. That’s when you’re coming from a place of fear.

Then switch filters. Really try to see things through a lens of hope, of trust, and love. When you view your situation this way, you’ll notice a lightness creep in, and a feeling that things will be okay. Because there’s trust – a trust in yourself and in the process. When you’re in that state, usually the right answer surfaces. You’ll know it because it’ll ring true.

#6 “How much time do we waste on not forgiving ourselves?”

I needed to hear this. If it hits you, it hits you. Self-forgiveness is a long and hard journey. But this can offer a start, or a leap forward into progress.

The lingering guilt and shame you might feel when you’ve made a mistake is there to remind you that there’s work that needs to be done. They serve as a reminder, not a punishment. Once you’re on your way to learning from your mistakes, to making peace with others and yourself, then the feelings of guilt and shame become unnecessary weight. They’ve already served their purpose of reminding you. And you’re on your way. So why carry extra weight? What purpose do they serve?

Of course, letting go of these negative emotions are much harder in practice. Empathy helps. Humility helps.

Brené Brown says that the true antidote to shame is empathy. Shame cannot survive being spoken out loud, received by a close friend who responds with empathy. She says that “the two most powerful words when we’re in struggle: me too.” That let’s us know we’re not alone, and that somebody is on our side no matter what.

But your friend cannot give you the antidote, empathy, If you cannot bring yourself to speak up, and accept that you need help.

“Pride is not the opposite of shame but its source. True humility is the only antidote to shame.”

Pride prevents you from accepting and acknowledging that you made that mistake. The more pride you have, thinking you are immune to such mistakes, the more shameful you might feel.

So what is another antidote to shame? True humility. Cultivating this means telling yourself: “you are not perfect, you can’t do everything perfectly, and you don’t know everything. Nobody can and nobody does. And that’s okay, you still have much to learn.”

Empathy and humility work hand in hand. They’ll help you fight and let go of shame and other negative emotions attached to your mistakes. Empathy is the antidote others give to you; true humility is the antidote you give to yourself.

Accept and acknowledge your mistakes and shortcomings. Own up to them and challenge yourself to be better. Carry with you the lessons; leave unnecessary weight behind. Forgive yourself and ask for forgiveness. Be easy on yourself.

Lastly, you are not your mistakes. They might be a part of a chapter of your story, but they are not a part of you. Or at least they don’t have to be. Stories change and evolve. And so do we. You can turn the page now.

“Let it rest, all you can’t change; let it rest and be done.”

Last question. This is just a variation and relates to the other two above, so I won’t expand on it further. I’ll just include it here and leave it at that.

#7 “How much time do we waste with our hearts not being in the right place?”

That was pretty intense. I hope you read through all that and found some value in it. I know it’s not for everybody, and hopefully we won’t find ourselves often in a situation where we’d need to ask these questions to ourselves. But if that time comes, I hope you remember these questions. They’ve helped me through some tough times.

Stay tuned for Part 3! We’ll surface a little bit with the following questions. See you then! And thank you for reading.

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