Questions to Help You Get Unstuck | Part 3
This is the third and final part of this Questions series. These last two questions may help you course correct towards a different direction, one that’s hopefully more right for you. These questions may be considered serious, profound – deep. The goal after all is to slow down, to pause for a moment, dropping to-do lists, letting emails go unread. For now, we’ll care less about staying afloat and staying on top of things. For now at least, we’ll dive deep. To get to the bottom of things.
#8 “Who are you becoming?”
A modification of the age-old question “who are you?” which prompts us to know ourselves, to take a look at what’s within. Who am I, really?
“Who are you becoming?” is Rich Roll’s modification to this question of self-reflection. And I think it’s genius.
The question “who are you?” prompts you to take a good look of your self-image, one that is static and pinned to the now, at this particular point in time. Adding the word becoming suddenly releases you from that fixed point, pulls you back to take in a wider view. Now, not only does it inquire into the present, but it gathers and examines from the past as well — what previous and current patterns have you been noticing with yourself, and what decisions have you been making? It brings all that to the table and then finally prompts you to extrapolate into the future — If you continue with these patterns, decisions, what would that look like?
Who are you becoming?
“…the reason that I add the word ‘becoming’ is I think that it speaks to the fact that none of us are static… In every moment we are shifting and we are changing. And every decision that we make, every interaction that we have… is either moving us towards a better, more authentic version of ourselves, or away from it.”
— Rich Roll, from The Tim Ferriss Show podcast, ep #561
In other words, it makes you examine your life trajectory, and prompts you to make changes if you don’t like what you’re seeing. It’s a life trajectory check. A good question for course correction.
#9 “Am I happy to put this day behind?”
I really like this one. And I think I got it from Debbie Millman.
The idea is, you ask yourself this at the end of each day before you go to bed. And the tone here is not such that you’re just glad to be done with the day and you can’t wait to get it over with. No. You ask it sincerely and lightly. A gentle question to ask and answer at the end of your day.
It asks: Are you happy and content with what had transpired during the day? Would you be glad to leave it at that, as it is, to let the day go and set it aside, so you can be open to fully receive the next one, free from burdens or regrets or unfinished business?
The goal is, that the answer you should be hearing most of the time, when you ask this to yourself, is “YES.” And if you find that you’ve been hearing an unsatisfactory answer to this question for a number of consecutive days or weeks, then that’s a nudge for you to change something in your days.
It could mean adjusting your routine, or the things you do or consume. Or it could mean making some internal adjustments, adjusting your approach and attitude with the things/events/people in your days.
Ask this often and you become more mindful of how you’re spending your days, and how you behave in them. All that from one simple question. No journaling required. It’s magic.
But there is another magic to this question: It is also a gratitude practice. Once you get to the days where you are mostly saying “YES” to this question, then it evolves to also function as a gratitude practice at the end of your day, as you recall all the good things that happened. And even if you’re not there yet, it still serves as practice — a training for the mind to be more grateful, to be more sensitive to the good in your days. Because you want to be happy to put the day behind; that is the goal. And so you try to see things in a positive light. At least that’s how it has been for me.
It’s been at least 5 years since I’ve picked this up and put it into practice. There have been consecutive weeks and even months where I’ve actually been consistent with asking myself this at the end of each day. But the opposite is also true. I forget. But I try to make it a habit, to end my days with this question as often as I can. Because I know how powerful it can be.
Imagine: you just had one of your best days. You go to bed at night and ask yourself: am I happy to put the day behind? — then all the good things come rushing back to the surface. You hear a resounding Yes and a feeling of goodness and overwhelming gratitude spreads and wells up. You are moved enough by this and the next thing you know you’re saying the words Thank you, thank you. You say it as a prayer, as a practice. All these right before falling asleep. And I think that’s such a beautiful, powerful way to end the day.
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Questions to Help You Get Unstuck:
- What sparks your interest, your curiosity?
- “What would you do even if you knew you would fail? What would be worth doing even if things might not work out?”
- “What risk are you more comfortable taking?” / “What would you regret more?”
- “Hell Yeah or no?”
- “Am I coming from a place of love or from a place of fear?”
- “How much time do we waste on not forgiving ourselves?”
- “How much time do we waste with our hearts not being in the right place?”
- “Who are you becoming?”
- “Am I happy to put this day behind?”
